So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
