mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
