Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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