all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
