dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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