Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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