is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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