I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize