Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
