He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
