mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
