I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just had sex on a roof
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
