Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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