Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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