New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
