JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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