dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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