Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
