I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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