Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
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Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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