All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
