went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
