I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
