were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
