the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
