Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Dick very happy bro
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
