Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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