dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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