I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
