You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
