I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
