I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
