I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
