why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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