Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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