fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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