Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
