apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
