At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
