You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
