What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
