I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
