I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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