i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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