Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
