Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize