He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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