i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
