I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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