grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
