Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It was confusing and full of hummus
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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