I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
