my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
