have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
