I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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