my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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