i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
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