and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize