Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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