i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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