Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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