I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
