Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He passed out mid-signature
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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